How great the Father's faithfulness,

How extravagant His love,

His providence is abundance,

His favor unceasing,

His peace leads me through chaos,

Rest never far from those who draw near Him.

Stand in awe and

Rejoice in His goodness and grace!

My soul rejoices and sings and exclaims. What an incredible week. So filled with worship, blessing and family. Each day has built upon the previous, growing, reaching, seeking, dreaming and embracing truth - casting aside mentalities that limit how far I dream. No day has passed without a real encounter with the Father and His love. The blessings of walking in truth immediately followed opening my heart and trusting in Him, in believing the truths He was speaking into my heart. Another puzzle piece fell into place for what the Father has for me, or at least has started to, and gosh, I am excited. The desires of my heart coming into fruition. Foundations being laid. Destinies and plans about to unravel before my eyes. I am floored as I sit here and consider, I mean in faith consider, all that the Lord is about to do and is doing. Hallelujah! Praise Him all the earth!

This Little Light of Mine....

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine.

This little light of mine,

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel?

NO! I'm gonna let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel?

NO! I'm gonna let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel?

NO! I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Chorus

Don't let Satan blow it out.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Don't let Satan blow it out.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Don't let Satan blow it out.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

(Repeat chorus)

Shine all over (CITY)

I'm gonna let it shine.

Shine all over (CITY)

I'm gonna let it shine.

Shine all over (CITY)

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Chorus

Let it shine 'til Jesus comes.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine 'til Jesus comes.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine 'til Jesus comes.

I'm gonna let it shine.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

Chorus

Sometimes, going back and rethinking and rereading the lyrics of children's songs open up a whole new realm of meaning. As a kid, it's the motions and the tune that catch our attention. Is it fun for us to sing? Can we sing it enough to make it annoying for anyone to be around us? Yes? Perfect. That is our new favorite song. However, as we grow older and our thinking allows for more depth and critical analysis of words, thoughts and ideas, the lyrics to a song suddenly bring us to tears as their meanings penetrate our hearts. 

When I was a little girl, I loved songs about sunshine and light. My mom would sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me as I would lay down to go to sleep. Another one of my favorites was always "This Little Light of Mine." There were motions where we would hide our index finger of one hand under a "bushel" of our other hand and then SHOUT, "NO!" as we took the bushel off. It was loud; it was fun; and such an exciting thing to say as a child, "No. Nobody is going to change my mind for me. This is me and what I believe and I'm gonna tell the whole world."  Which, according to my mom, is exactly what I did as a young believer. I couldn't contain myself from telling others about this Jesus I had met, who saved me and loves me and loves them too. What a powerful and enabling song for a young child.

Now, fast forward to my current season. I was recently driving by myself and took the precious time in the car to be with the Father and talk about life and intercede and just be at my most raw with Him. Coming into my last semester of college, future plans and circumstances has been a popular topic between He and I. The last year and a half had been a challenging "growing" season with Him and who I am. I learned lies that I had been walking in about myself or just the pattern I walked in. In the moment of changing my thoughts, I did not always realize what I had believed; I just kept pressing in more to the Father.  As I pressed in, my mentality changed over the season and in the last three months, I have been able to look back and identify what I had been believing or doing and how the Father has grown me from that place. A lot of it had to do with trust, trusting that the woman God made me to be was exactly who He wanted me to be and that He has plans specific for me. I don't have to alter who I am to fit others' plans, but being perfectly me will bring to fruition the plans He has for me. So as I was driving, I talked about things and went in a loop of saying, "This would be cool. I'm gonna wait for you to move here. But I think it would be cool. I'm not gonna care or worry about it though, etc..." And as I thought about why certain things would be cool, I had reasons and questions and excitement for what the Lord is about to do. One of the reasons why I thought some of my ideas would be cool was how they seemed to fit with what I love and desire. As the loop progressed, a wall popped up, and I don't know that it was a wall that was supposed to be there, in that it comes from a place of fear from pain I have experienced in the past that I want to wisely move forward and away from in a way that prevents it from happening again. So the wall popped up to say, "If I have to sacrifice part of who I am for this to work, I don't want any of it. I've gone down that road before and it only harms me in the long run." As I had that thought, which wasn't a bad thought, "This little light of mine" popped into my head, and I laughed. This song that I have not thought of in forever came rushing back to me, and I realized that it was not just an evangelical Gospel song for kids, but also about how much the Father really desires us to be this bold with our identity.

In these last few months, the Father has also been teaching me so much about identity. Beyond just mine, He has been teaching me the importance of and responsibility we as children of Him have to bring others into their identity. A wise and incredible "big brother" in my life, Joel, often says, "You are the best you that will ever be. You represent an aspect of the Father's heart that nobody else ever will be." That truth makes our "little light" of identity crucial to this world. We have to let our identity shine in its fulness because the Father made us to be us and nobody else. At the One Thing conference put on by the International House of Prayer in Kansas City a couple of weeks ago, Stuart Greaves spoke a sermon called, "The Beauty of Jesus as the Servant of All." He spoke a lot about the servanthood mentality and humility - things about which the Lord has also been revealing a lot to me - and Greaves said, "Humility is rooted in knowing who we are, not in the denying of who we are. It's agreeing with who God says we are." So as we grow in our own identities and walk them out more and more, we are able to be more and more humble, more and more of a servant to those around us, because we are so fully rooted in our own identity in Him, and we know that that is the only identity that matters.

Part of the responsibility to our own identity is to call forth the true identity in others - our brothers and sisters who are believing lies and those who are lost and orphaned. James 1:27 (NIV) says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." We are called to take care of the orphans in this world who live without the Good Father and do not know who they are because they are seeking their identity from other sources. We have to bring truth and real identity to those around us because we, as humans, are responsible to the identity that we know. 

A while back, I was complaining about having to do something that it felt like I always had to be the one to do. I wanted somebody else to step up to it for once. In a moment, the Father kindly told me that it was a part of my identity and that's why I did it. It completely shifted my perspective on doing that. It was no longer obligatory but part of who I am. As I processed that revelation of who I am, the Father then whispered, "And now that you know that, you are responsible to being that."

Boom. That was an even greater revelation. Now that I know this identity, I am responsible to walking in it. If I had never learned, I would be able to gripe about doing things and could walk under another identity, but one that is false and not joyful. Because, you see, there is joy in walking in the fulness of your identity, as it opens the door to walking and living constantly in the Presence where all the fruits of the Spirit reside. Then the Father spun the revelation again - "Those who believe a false identity to be true are responsible to walking in that identity until somebody calls forth the truth." Girls who are labeled (and that includes the means through which they are treated because their treatment leads to formulating reasons for why they are treated in a given manner) as not good enough, unworthy of love, sluts, manipulative, b****es, etc... are only responsible to that identity. A guy who is labeled as a convict, uncaring, not good enough, unsuccessful, unintelligent, no-good-do-nothing, etc... is similarly responsible only to the identity that other people or sources have given him. If nobody else has shown them or told them that they are more and better than that label, then they will continue to live in a way that manifests truth of the false label.

As the body, therefore, we are called to let our light shine. We are called to be royal priests (1 Peter 2:9) and minister to the world. But we first must be walking in our identity. Not a front. Not what we think the world needs us to be in order to impact it, but in who we know the Father has made us to be. He knit us together perfectly, to be the best us we could be, that nobody else could ever fulfill like we can (Ps. 139). The freedom that comes from shining our own individual lights opens up destinies. It fosters love because we can finally love ourselves as we were created to. How do we love our neighbor as ourselves if we do not know how to love ourselves or even more, who we are loving? So as we grow in our identities and therefore in our ability to love ourselves enough to be ourselves, we can love others. We can love our neighbors, both family and orphans. We can share with them how worthy of love they are and who they are so that they may be empowered to love themselves and walk in who they are. 

It's like the candle light service, or portion of the service, on Christmas Eve. The lights go down in the sanctuary and it's dark. One or two people have lit candles though. They walk over to somebody who has an unlit candle and share their flame with them. The other person's candle is lit. That person then passes their light along to the person who is beside them. And the chain continues. Meanwhile, the first few people who benefited from the original candle make their way towards the back of the sanctuary, lighting somebody's candle in every row so that that row may receive light. By the end of the lighting, everyone's candle is lit, and suddenly, the dark room is not so dark any more. In fact, one could argue that the flames are growing and slowly the room is growing brighter, like the world at the break of dawn, as the Son takes His place. The chorus starts:

"Silent night, holy night

All is calm, ALL is BRIGHT.

Round young virgin, mother and child.

Holy infant, so tender and mild.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night

Shepherds quake at the SIGHT

Glories stream from heaven afar

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia!

Christ the Savior is born

Christ the Savior is born.

Silent night, holy night.

Son of God, loves pure LIGHT.

Radiant beams from Thy holy face

With the DAWN of redeeming grace

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth."

So family, let your light shine. The world depends on it. The Father desires it, more than you ever could. And Jesus is calling forth a generation of children no longer scared of the dark, but willing to be a light in the midst of it.

Puzzle Pieces

A while ago, I journaled about the puzzle of my life and how He gives me one piece at a time and then I try to guess what the big picture is from that one piece and He kindly laughs and says, "Oh, you don't even have a clue yet. It's gonna be awesome."


I'm still in that place most days. Coming from an incredible week of worship, teaching and great fellowship, I continue to stare at the puzzle pieces before me. They are insatiable. So highly valued. As I continue to fall more and more in love with Jesus, their value to me exponentially increases. His plans for me are precious. He loves that I dream. He loves that I am curious and seeking His face. During the past week, a few of the pieces continued to be specifically highlighted. They each excite me. Give me hope. And make me more curious to what the Father has before me because I have no clue how they each fit together or even exist on their own. Each time I try to create a picture with one of the pieces, I know that what I have created is not quite what He has for me. It is a unique calling and a unique destiny that hasn't been done before. Oh, how I cannot wait for more pieces to fall into place so that I may see what this picture is. It's beautiful and has been made just for me. I love that He puts the time in creating a special puzzle for each person, that each person ends with a picture they could never have imagined on their own, that is distinct from all others.


As the new year began, I was filled with the excitement of the Father for the year that is before all of us. It is sure to be an incredible year. There is so much promise in this year. New hope and life. Dreams being made and dreams coming to fruition. 

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; 

   your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. 

   Do not forsake the work of your hands."

~ Ps. 138:8 (ESV)

My Daddy Loves Me

You called me beautiful long ago.
You set significance in my heart when I was three.
You told me to reach for the stars
     and they would be mine.
You gave me a voice that carries far and wide
     and a heart that loves deeply.
You gave me family before I knew what it was.
You give me wisdom beyond my experiences and my years.
You lavish blessing after blessing on me,
     the apple of your eye.
You never let me settle for less than the
     best you have for me.
You gave me faith the size of a mustard seed
     and grew it to bigger than I could realize for years.
You share with me the mystery of your plans.
You love me extravagantly when I deserve my tears.
You gave me a memory that never forgets
     so that I may always remember your blessings and promises.
You taught me Your name before I will ever understand my own.
You gave me dreams and rest before I ever realized their value.
You gave me grace before I ever knew I needed it.
You treasured me long before I ever treasured myself.
You set me apart as Yours alone before anyone else could try to claim.
You kept me pure before I desired purity myself.
You gave me feet that danced to a song different from what
     any ears had heard long before it was the cool thing to do.
You gave me joy before I learned it was more than just happy.
You gave me hope before the world could share its poverty.
You gave me identity long before I learned who I am and walked in it.
You cared for me every time I climbed up into Your arms, my Refuge.
You've made me perfect for my destiny
     before I get to see the whole puzzle.
You've made me perfect to fill a part of your heart
     that never existed before.
You made me perfect and you like me.
You made me perfect and you love me.

Modern Day Passover Reflections

Two years ago today marks the day everything I knew changed. I am now in the middle of my own form of a "Passover," it started on Thursday and ends this coming Thursday officially. I forgot about it until I laid down to sleep on Thursday night and the Lord kindly reminded me. I have been trying to be intentional in these days to be reflective, because there is so much value in taking the time to really reflect. The Lord makes this clear throughout the Old Testament through the feasts and celebrations He calls Israel to observe in memory of who He is and what He has done.

For me though today... today, November 14th, was the day that the Father told me to come to Clemson. For those who don't know the whole story, it can be found here or feel free to ask me sometime. But in many ways it was the day that all of my theology changed and at the same time just collided into what it always was and was supposed to be. It marks the day when my faith looked like something. A defining moment as to whether or not I would move when He told me to and do whatever He asks of me. The day when my faith became something to walk in and not just stand in. It's in this reflection when I sit and wonder at all the Lord has done in my life in the last two years, simply because I said yes. It's a reflection that comes down to the heart of Isaiah 6:8. Of the season that led me to the point where I would say yes.

I love that reflection of the past brings hope for the future. Deuteronomy 8 reflects this:

¹ Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the LORD promised on oath to your ancestors. ² Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. ³ He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. ⁴ Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. ⁵ Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you. ⁶ Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. ⁷ For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; ⁸ a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; ⁹ a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.

I love that in the memory is the promise - remember this because this is what the Lord is doing and what He has promised. I love that as the Lord lives outside of time, any "tense" of Him always points to and aligns with another tense. The "Lord of the past," or what He has done, points to Lord of the future and the Lord of the present. The "Lord of the present," or what He is doing, reflects both the Lord of the past and the future. The "Lord of the future," or what He will do and/or has planned, points to both the past and the present. So as I spend these days in reflection of what the Lord did in those 7 days two years ago and has done in the two years since then, it brings me joy in what He is doing today and brings me exuberant amounts of hope for what He has planned for me and what is to come in the future.

God Speaks in All Kinds of Ways

I love that the Father will speak to us however we will best receive something. As I was journaling last night, I prayed about assurance that nothing is impossible with God. I started to think, "If God is in the equation...." Then my math brain turned on, and suddenly I was thinking in equations. I thought of first God as variable "x." Which gives Him limitless possibilities. But then I considered, "What if the equation ended up over 0 because of whatever x equaled; then it would be undefiined" [EX: x+1/x-2 when x=2 the denominator equals 0 and it is undefined]. So I considered x/0 and its undefined state. He said, "Who says I'm defined?" What it came down to looks something like this:

 God doesn't equal x, but God = x/0. Which is undefined. Because it is undefined, we can never know what it is capable of. So in any equation where the Lord is involved, it is undefined by human standards. The possibilities and capabilities of the equations are beyond our understanding. Therefore, anything and everything is possible with that equation because we cannot say it is not. Luke 1:37 (NLT) - "For nothing is impossible with God."

Boom. God proved with math! And here's another scripture just to follow that up:

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.”   Job 37:5 (NIV)

I know that many people don't like math and don't like to think in math, but I love that the Father will speak to each of us however we will hear best and find revelation. On the same subject-ish, the Father spoke to the other side of my brain in metaphor last spring. Or rather, He explained a metaphor to me. A metaphor I didn't see before. I was driving down the road considering different things and thought about science. Not science in terms of say, a chemistry class, but science as it has come to be a belief system and the sole explanation of the world. Often by both streams of thought, Christian and science, think about and call the other thought process "opposing." So that is what I was considering. I was thinking about how I haven't ever really seen them as opposing but as coordinating. That's when the Father gave me this nugget:

Science is a metaphor created by God so that we can better understand who He is and how He works. But because it is not the Real Thing, like all metaphors, eventually it breaks down and leaves us in want of more, in want of the Real Thing.

So science isn't here to mess us up; nor is it here to solve everything. It is here so that when we reach our ends with it and it can give us no explanation beyond what we know, we are left hungry (hungrier) for the Lord and Creator of everything who will never break down or leave us in want because He is wholly sufficient.

Well, there are my few cents for the morning. I love that He has given me a brain to hear from both sides and that He speaks to the side of the brain I need to hear from according to each situation or revelation. Gosh, He is good.

"Sing to God, you kingdoms of the earth,
   sing praise to the Lord,
to him who rides across the highest heavens, the ancient heavens,
   who thunders with mighty voice.
Proclaim the power of God,
   whose majesty is over Israel,
   whose power is in the heavens. 

You, God, are awesome in your sanctuary;
   the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

   Praise be to God!"

 ~ Psalm 68:32-35

You Know You're a Wordy Person When....

The grace of the Father is perfect and beautiful. He shows it and gives it everyday. He gives it not out of pity but compassion. He desires the plans for our life even more than we do, no matter how much we believe to desire them. He wants us to be more like how He created us each day, and He gives us grace to get there through the process we need to go through in order to be able to understand and handle what awaits us on the other side.

I purchased a book earlier this week called A User's Guide to Bible Translation by David Dewey. To be honest, it was an impulse purchase. I came acrossed it somehow and after reading the description, felt the language lover in me rise up to purchase it. It came in the mail today! Immediately, I began to skim over its contents and felt a joy swell up as I read how the book goes through explaining the process of translation and different measures used to translate. The second half of the book discusses the different English translations of the texts. Now for anyone who doesn't know me, the reason I am an English major is not out of a place of love for literature but because of my simple fascination with language - what it does, that it's possible, the meaning of words, how they came to mean what they mean, what they mean mean, the importance of good diction, the wonder of grammar and how it affects meaning, translation and what the truest form was before it was translated... all of that. I am just fascinated by it. And in that, I know I am wordy - get it, it's a pun on "nerdy." Okay, point proven. Anyways, needless to say I find excitement in getting to read this book in the coming weeks (I have school and other personal reads currently going on to fit this into). My appreciation for words and language can generally be reflected in my loquacious lifestyle.

But the Father has over the past year been teaching me the art of silence - how much it says and what it allows for. The verse that has continued to be one that causes me to sit and mull over is Exodus 14:13-14 (NASB):

"But Moses said to the people, "Do not fear! Stand by and see the salvation of the LORD which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever. The LORD will fight for you will you keep silent." 

In time with Him, I often am reminded Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." But when I walk in the world, I often feel that I need to fight and share what's on my mind. I did this a lot growing up. Probably too much. Between me, my brother and my sister, I was the vocal child. I was the child who talked everyone's ears off at dinner, but also the child who when my parents told me something I did not agree with or did something I perceived unfair, I fought back. They knew exactly what was on my mind and I fought to defend myself in the times when I felt like nobody was fighting for me or that I was in need of being fought for. It came to a point with my mom when after years of this mentality, my brother finally got through to me with the advice to just stay quiet, let whoever say what they are going to say and be done with it. It's not worth the time or energy. So I tried this; however, the pattern I had set in motion led to the following argument:

[I sit silently]
"What are you thinking?"
"Nothing."
"Yes you are. Tell me what you're thinking!"

When I realized that I was getting yelled at for not saying anything, I figured I might as well say what was on my mind; at least that way they would know what I was thinking and perhaps some of my logic would land with them. So I was back to being the vocal child.

As I have grown in intimacy with the Father, this mentality and course of action has greatly subsided to the point of being nil. I hate being in disagreements and with discord. I have given this old way to the Father. But as I have been renewed in this area, learning to just sit when the world is in chaos has been a journey. Not just, "Don't worry." But, "Be silent." It's learning to trust in a new and deeper way. It's coming to a place where before I even talk to somebody about a given situation the Lord has already taken care of it for me. At times, it is just seeing it in the small, medium and then big things. Most recently, it was perhaps medium sized, dealing with graduating on time.

 I registered for my final semester this week. Even with senior status, I still had to request two courses because of some ridiculousness in the English department. The professor who could override me into those courses is one of my professors this week and for the past two weeks, he has mentioned the craziness of his life in this advising and registering period. I debated going and talking to him or email him about needing to be put in the classes. I planned to wait until after class the following afternoon to talk to him when he might have an extra minute. Hours before class, though, I went onto the registration site and found that I had been pushed in to the course I needed, which had rarely if ever happened before without some form of correspondence with a professor. I didn't have to say a word. I only needed to be silent and the Lord went before me to get me into this final required course. After class, I did speak with the professor to thank him for putting me in the course, especially when I didn't even have to speak with him about it. He was blessed by some gratitude, which I would guess in the high stress of registration is not something he gets to see all that much.

It's in the little things that we can see the Father's grace shine through. Grace in teaching me what I can learn from silence: His faithfulness and provision, what He is saying in the midst of a loud world, how silence can change a fighting heart to a servant's heart, etc... I am so thankful for His grace with me during my years of being vocal. I am so thankful for His love and kindness that silenced and softened my heart to make it more loving and like His. I am also thankful that in and through silence, He has taught me my voice and how to use it. I am thankful that He affirms me when I doubt of the power of the voice He has gifted me with and its potential in Him. And all of this continues to baffle me with how there is language even in its absence.